Saturday, August 30, 2008

Me, nostalgic? Ay, please

I've never really looked back.  When I'm ready to make a change, it's because I'm so done with what I'm currently doing or where I'm at that I close that door with no problem.  Didn't cry after high school or college gradution.  Left my old job almost tearless.  The only exception to the rule  is saying good bye to my family. Every time I leave Puerto Rico, I seem to cry harder and it's been 12 years since I first said goodbye. 

So I was very surprised when I found myself reminiscing about the apartment we just moved out of. Yes, I was sad to leave a very posh address in downtown Chicago. But it was what happened in that 2 bedroom, two bathroom apartment during the last two years that had me looking back today. 

That was the apartment I spent my pregnancy in, where I prepared myself (uselessly) to be the best Mom I could be. Also, some good naps were taken in that living room. That's where my water broke and where we left a family of 2 and came back a family of three.  The guest bathroom nursed my ass back to health after labor.  I had my Mom cooking in that kitchen for a month, as I she taught me how to be a mother myself.

But the best part about that apartment is that it was Amelia' first home. Her first bedroom, her first bathroom. Amelia and I spent a lot of time indoors during my maternity leave since Chicago's weather killed all possibilities of nice walks down Michigan Ave. (If you live anywhere where your local weather guy mentions Arctic Air every evening, during winter, avoid having a baby during those months. It adds to the baby blues, big time)

Even the hallway outside our apartment brings up memories. Not the best ones though. Plenty of nights when the newborn didn't want to fall asleep, I found myself pacing, more like sprinting up and down the 10th floor hallway, with her in the stroller to make her go to sleep.  Me in my pajamas and Amelia determined not to close her eyes until maybe the 20th lap. 

At ten months, it's obvious that Amelia had some major milestones at our old address. Learned to do everything from sitting up and crawling to going from baby food to solids. Needless to say, she hasn't been sleeping well in the new place.  Neither have I, and not just because she wakes me up in the middle of the night.

Our new address couldn't be better.  A bit more room, less rent and a gorgeous lake view in a residential area, a stone throw away from downtown.  We will be happy here and probably sad when it's time to leave. 

 I guess with motherhood I have to learn that, for the first time, I will look back at life and be happy to be nostalgic.

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