Sunday, September 21, 2008
The flying slipper
I just wanted to get a manicure and an eyebrow wax. I had made my appointment late enough so my husband could have his appointment at 11AM. I kept the baby all morning, through her lack of napping, went out to lunch with her, my girlfriend Sandra and her 2 daughters. And made it back with plenty of time to take a shower and go get my stuff done.
But my lovely husband did not show up until a quarter to two. My appointment was at 2:30 and Amelia would not go to sleep so I could take a shower. I put her in her crib, let her cry her butt off and showered. By the time he showed up, I had 15 minutes to get to my appointment. I was going to be 15 minutes late. A no, no for a manicurist who is booked solid on a Saturday.
So I couldn't get my manicure or my eyebrows waxed. I called my spouse and sternly let him know what had happened. He's a sharp guy so he could tell what I meant was "you left me at 10:00 AM for an appointment at 11. Ran errands, bought yourself a nice salad and pranced home 30 minutes before my appointment".
Needless to say, when I came home, Steve was avoiding eye contact for his own good. And that leads to the title of this blog. While I was blow drying my hair, I started a conversation with him, but he would answer while moving all over the room and staying as far away as possible. When I asked about his behavior he said "I'm staying in constant motion so I can avoid getting your heel up my butt".
In my English as a second language mentality I answered "but I'm not wearing heels". And then the Puerto Rican in me kicked in. "What you should be afraid of is the flying "chancla". Loosely translated "chancla" is a house shoe or slipper, a Puerto Rican mother's weapon of choice. That thing is stealth like and has a boomerang effect. It finds the target, does the damage and returns to it's master.
My mother used it to break fights between my brother and I. I swear that she would rub it against us while we slept so that the "chancla" could recognize our scent and never miss. No matter how fast my brother and I ran, the "chancla" would get us.
I'm not advocating violence against your husband and/or your children. Most Puerto Rican mom's I know use it out of desperation and trust me, it doesn't even hurt. It's more of a statement of discipline than an actual act of violence. But it's never a bad thing to have your kids or your husband under that threat. That way the "chancla" will never leave your foot but only you will know that. Ay Mama.